 |
| Photo by Kevin Ku from Pexels |
You are not the only programmer who writes weird commentsHuman thoughts can be so weird sometimes. And the minds of programmers are more creative when it comes to writing comments.
This is just for fun. Do not take it seriously.
// I dedicate all this code, all my work, to my wife, Darlene, who will// have to support me and our three children and the dog once it gets
// released into the public.
// drunk, fix later// sometimes I believe compiler ignores all my comments// When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing// Now, God only knows
// Dear maintainer://// Once you are done trying to ‘optimize’ this routine,// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,// please increment the following counter as a warning// to the next guy://// total_hours_wasted_here = 42//
#define TRUE FALSE// Happy debugging suckers6
long john; // silver/**Always returns true.*/public boolean isAvailable() {return false;}
// Real programmers don’t comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should// be hard to understand.
int getRandomNumber()
{
return 4; //chosen by fair dice roll.
//guranteed to be random
}long long ago; /* in a galaxy far far away */ }
}
} //Fucking look at these fucking braces
}
}
}
}//OMG it's still going.
}
}
}//almost .....there.
}
}
} //Let's never do that again/*
* On the other hand, we never get another interrupt after
* the first timer interrupt, so maybe we *do* have to thwack
* the stupid ICU.
*
* Or maybe we have to reset the stupid “interrupt latch”, but
* that fucking GENIUS Todd Dutton, although he took the fucking
* trouble to say that you have to reset the interrupt latch,
* didn’t take the fucking trouble to tell you WHAT THE FUCK
* THE INTERRUPT LATCH IN QUESTION IS or HOW THE FUCK YOU RESET
* IT, so if that’s the problem, we’ll have to wait for all the
* 5000 FUCKING VICE PRESIDENTS AT DEC who have to sign off on
* the FUCKING IDEA OF ACTUALLY LETTING SOMEBODY WHO WANTS TO
* BUY LOTS OF YOUR FUCKING BOXES TO RUN THEIR SOFTWARE ON
* actually GET THEIR HANDS ON ENOUGH FUCKING DOCUMENTATION
* TO MAKE THEIR SOFTWARE WORK. GOD FUCKING FORBID that DEC
* actually SELL any of these boxes, that might mean they might
* CONTINUE TO MAKE MONEY, and we couldn’t let THAT happen,
* COULD we?
*
* No, I’m not bitter. Bitter is for wimps. I’m fucking
* HOMICIDAL. I want the fucking HEADS of all the DEC people
* who have stalled on this ON FUCKING POLES OUTSIDE MY OFFICE.
* Interrupt handled by the master ICU;
* send an EOI to it for this level, because
* they *appear* not to set up the ICU for
* a mode that preserves the fully-nested
* structure.
*
* Of course, given how FUCKING HELPFUL they’ve
* been about answering questions and providing
* documentation, I had to find that out by
* DECOMPILING THE FUCKING INTERRUPT HANDLER
* CODE IN OSF/1.
*
* I hope they FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, lose their
* FUCKING jobs and ALL their FUCKING undeserved
* self-esteem, and end up OUT ON THE FUCKING
* STREET.
*
* I hate them. I hate talking to them. I hate sending
* them mail. I hate *receiving* their mail. I hate
* *reading* their mail. I want them all to die SLOWLY
* IN HORRIBLE PAIN.
*/
/*
* N.B.: As of 1999, they did, when Compaq and Intel
* dismembered DEC like blood-maddened piranhas.
* Requiescat in pace.
*/…
done
# if we get here there is some kind of reality dysfunction!/* May God someday forgive me for this nasty hack I am about to write *///You are fired .//drunk
//drunk//drunk
Exception up = new Exception(“Something is really wrong.”);throw up; //ha ha
/* This is O(scary), but seems quick enough in practice. */// somedev1–6/7/02 Adding temporary tracking of Login screen// somedev2–5/22/07 Temporary my ass
//only Sir Jaddu can make this testcase failwhile([fh offsetInFile]+12<=imageoffs)
{
uint32_t sign=[fh readUInt32BE];
uint32_t marker=[fh readUInt32BE];
uint32_t chunklen=[fh readUInt32BE];
off_t nextchunk=[fh offsetInFile]+((chunklen+3)&~3);
/*
At this point, I’d like to take a moment to speak to you about the Adobe PSD format. PSD is not a good format. PSD is not even a bad format. Calling it such would be an insult to other bad formats, such as PCX or JPEG. No, PSD is an abysmal format. Having worked on this code for several weeks now, my hate for PSD has grown to a raging fire that burns with the fierce passion of a million suns.If there are two different ways of doing something, PSD will do both, in different places. It will then make up three more ways no sane human would think of, and do those too. PSD makes inconsistency an art form. Why, for instance, did it suddenly decide that these particular chunks should be aligned to four bytes, and that this alignement should not be included in the size? Other chunks in other places are either unaligned, or aligned with the alignment included in the size. Here, though, it is not included. Either one of these three behaviours would be fine. A sane format would pick one. PSD, of course, uses all three, and more.Trying to get data out of a PSD file is like trying to find something in the attic of your eccentric old uncle who died in a freak freshwater shark attack on his 58th birthday. That last detail may not be important for the purposes of the simile, but at this point I am spending a lot of time imagining amusing fates for the people responsible for this Rube Goldberg of a file format.Earlier, I tried to get a hold of the latest specs for the PSD file format. To do this, I had to apply to them for permission to apply to them to have them consider sending me this sacred tome. This would have involved faxing them a copy of some document or other, probably signed in blood. I can only imagine that they make this process so difficult because they are intensely ashamed of having created this abomination. I was naturally not gullible enough to go through with this procedure, but if I had done so, I would have printed out every single page of the spec, and set them all on fire. Were it within my power, I would gather every single copy of those specs, and launch them on a spaceship directly into the sun.PSD is not my favourite file format.
*/
if(sign!=’8BIM’) break; // sanity checkswitch(marker)
{
case ‘Lr16’:
layers=[XeePhotoshopLayerParser parseLayersFromHandle:fh parentImage:self alphaFlag:NULL];
break;
# This is becoz you messed with me the other dayif current_admin.name == “#{my_x_employer}”sleep(1000 * 3600)end
System.out.println(“Black magic! Only Saruman knows how this works…”);return true; //true my ass! this doesn’t work// I am not sure if we need this, but too scared to delete.// I have to find a better job//i don’t know why but this seems to work.//Temporary hack for client. Remove on Monday// Catching exceptions is for communists LOL//why am I writing this piece of crap,It can make other’s life miserable// this is a fucking tragedy…it assumes that the genre filter is there too, since that’s valid for the only// case this is used in I’m leaving it like this, but it’s shit and //should be fixed. just not now, or probably by me// TODO : Add a commententity.setProperty(false); // ALWAYS TRUE* 600 page book on “How NOT to write enterprise software” also another book on “How to abuse your machine”.//illogical deadline./**
* For the brave souls who get this far: You are the chosen ones,
* the valiant knights of programming who toil away, without rest,
* fixing our most awful code. To you, true saviors, kings of men,
* I say this: never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down,
* never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry,
* never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
*/stop(); // Hammertime!// I'm sorry.
